Wednesday, January 4, 2017

I am a Midwife

Midwifery. What does that word mean to you?
To me, it is a calling, a passion and a way of life.
I am a midwife. I witness life enter into this world, and sometimes, sadly, as it passes away.
I support women when they are the most vulnerable and the strongest they can be.
I am a midwife.
I take pride in what I do.

Recently I was pondering midwifery. This poem came to me and I wanted to share. Obviously there is no way to fully list out everything that a midwife does, but here are a few of the things that may be on her job description...

I Am A Midwife

I am a midwife but what do I do?
Do I just hold babies, cuddle and coo?
Do I just help women at their time of need?
It is much more than that, let me share with you, Please?

What do Midwives do? In short.... Everything.

We care for the physical. We do exams.
We wipe your poop. We hold your hand.
We teach and we suture, We massage and we rub,
We welcome your little one, however he comes!

We care for the Home. We help while we are there.
We help with the cleaning, (no more blood on that chair).
We wash stacks of dishes, we may scrub the tub,
We throw in the laundry, we may make you lunch.

We care for the spirit, the emotion, the YOU.
We  hug when its needed or we clear the room.
We pray and we cry,
We listen, we share.
However we can, we show you WE CARE!

We care for the family, the Mother-in-law too!
We can play referee or close the gate to the zoo!
We can watch the children while you take a nap,
We  make sure baby's cuddled and warm where he's at.

We welcome your baby and we support you
As you become a mother, we want to help you!
We are called midwife, I know it sounds tough,
But it is our calling and it's what we LOVE!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016


It has taken me a long time to write this. It isn't easy. It isn't going to be pretty. It is a raw reflection, unpolished and real.

My absence has been due to a grieving mother's heart. On November 19th, we said goodbye to our little Firecracker. This has been a very difficult and eye opening time for us, for me. I want to share a little of what I have learned.... please don't be offended, if you are, suck it up. These are my opinions and thoughts. I don't pretend to speak for all women who have miscarried, but I speak for me.

When I started miscarrying, it was a Wednesday evening. I went to church with my family, nervous and praying for a miracle. I only confided in two people that night and asked them for prayer. When people asked how I was, and how pregnancy was, I was nervous. I avoided answering. I didn't know... I didn't know how to answer. I didn't know what to say. Here I was, a midwife, but I didn't have a clue if my baby was going to be ok... I felt lost. How could I explain to my friends what I was truly feeling?

My amazing Mr. K held me tight as I shed many tears... he took the next few days off work. For those who say it is like a period to miscarry, for me it was not. It was labour. A sad labour where I knew there was no chance of a happy ending. No precious baby to hold in my arms, only a possibility of seeing my child and even then, only to say goodbye. The only difference was that instead of filling my abdomen, my womb was still small, so the focus of pain was lower and more concentrated.

My midwives were a constant support system. My primary midwife stayed in regular contact with us. We were given words of comfort, encouragement and support. She reminded me of God's perfect peace and that I must stay present and give our Firecracker the labour each life deserves... and so we did...

It was a difficult time, sad, but yet still beautiful. My parents helped watch Little Miss Firefly so I could cry into Mr. K or get a hot shower to help with the pain. I found that a blend of frankincense and lavender essential oils mixed with grapeseed oil were very helpful to relieve the pain and to support my grief.

After two days of intense labour, our Firecracker was born... Our baby may have only been alive for 7 weeks in my womb, but my baby was ALIVE... when I delivered my baby into this world, I was again amazed at the miracle of life, birth and the beauty of it all. Though my little one would never enjoy the family who holds so much love for his/her life, I could only think of the pain and hurt my baby would never have to feel. It is amazing that so early we could still see our Firecracker's head, arm buds and leg buds. Our baby, the size of a blueberry, so tiny, so precious....

Returning to life has not been easy. Many well-meaning comments have caused hurt... I do not speak for all women, but I doubt I am alone when I say that I would much rather you say a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" or  "I am praying for you my friend" or even nothing at all than some of the following...

>>>>>>>"I am so sorry for your loss... but don't worry, you are young... you'll have others!"- Maybe, But I'll never have my Firecracker

>>>>>>>"At least they didn't have to know any pain or suffering"- Yes, But my baby will never know the love of our family either

>>>>>>>"At least you lost them now, rather than so and so who lost their adult child"- I am truly sorry for that mother's loss... but a mother is a mother, regardless if she is 8 weeks pregnant or 80 years old. The pain and love is the same... studies have showed the grief and loss is the same.

>>>>>>>"So do you know if your baby was a boy or a girl"- If I did and wanted to share that with you, I would... at the same time, you just asked and I told you I was just 8 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby... a bit early for anyone to know....

>>>>>>>"You'll be ok"- yes, yes I will... but right now I don't feel like it. I know I will be ok, but I still need to experience the grief and pain first.

>>>>>>>"Well, I am just glad that Little Miss Firefly is ok!"- This was the worst, and I got it several times... (apparently several people jumped on the "I just lost my baby" post but forgot my last post was "we are expecting a baby" on Facebook... sorry for not being clearer at my time of grief when I just needed love and prayers). Yes, I am glad that she is ok. I am thankful that I can hold her and cry tears of joy for her precious life... but she is not and never will be my Firecracker. Her life is of no more value that my Firecracker. I would have been just as devastated if we had lost her. This is a HUGE flaw in our "Christian" culture. The thought that a miscarriage is better than losing an infant. There is no difference in losing LIFE- whether it be 8 weeks, 8 months, 8 years or 80. My babies are MY BABIES! Their LIVES MATTER! I was appalled each time this was posted to my Facebook page or said directly to my face. I know you mean well, but this just shows that you don't value the life of my baby or any other baby in the womb the same as a person outside of the womb. If you did value their life in the same way, you would respect and treat them like humans. You would understand my grief and not say "but you'll be ok".... or "But I am sorry for your loss".... you devalue my baby's life then say you are sorry? NOT OK! This is why there is such apathy in our churches... this is why Christians believe that murder/abortion is ok or excusable. I know I am a midwife. I do respect the rights and decisions of the mother, but I also fight for and value LIFE, whether he/she is just conceived or an infant baby.


And so the process of saying goodbye continued on. Grief isn't easy. You feel ok one day, then like you can't survive the next. But through this time, I have constantly clung to Isaiah 26:3. Its meaning has become so real to me. The promise is true... "Thou shalt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in Thee."

We had a memorial service on Thanksgiving day. My husband, Little Miss Firefly and I said goodbye to our little Firecracker. I won't lie, it is still hard. But this experience has been a blessing in many ways. First, it has allowed me to be more aware of the deep hurt and pain that many women experience daily, just as I do. Second, it has allowed me to be a witness to others about the Lord and His perfect peace. Third, I have been connected with several women going through similar situations or who have been through a loss of pregnancy and we have shared tears and support together.

 I know the memories and pain will never truly be gone until I am in heaven, but until then, I carry that love in my heart. A love that gives deeper understanding... A love that, I hope, will allow me to be a better wife, mother, midwife and friend. A love that will never die....

I love you my Firecracker!

****Warning- Some may find the following photos to be disturbing or graphic, but they are my baby and I want to show how beautiful and precious a tiny life is... Only view at your own discretion and please do not leave negativity if you do not appreciate the photos. Thank you...*************

it is a little hard to see in the pictured, but the white are the arm/leg buds....the fleshy area is the head (sorry it is upside down)

Monday, November 14, 2016

Our Greatest Adventure Yet!

These past few weeks have been wicked busy! My amazing Mr. K and I flew out with Little Miss Firefly to Arizona to surprise his mother for her birthday... It was a great trip overall! Little Miss Firefly did wonderful with flying! She nursed during take off and once or twice with landing... She had virtually no fussing! We only had one issue with a flight attendant who was not thrilled with my feeding on the plane, but other than that, everyone seemed to be supportive!

We arrived Thursday around noon time. We had left the house around 3 am and to our bodies, 12p would have been 3pm... We all seemed to adjust fairly well to the time change.

We enjoyed spending time with family and having Little Miss Firefly meet her grandparents, aunt and great grandparents! At one family meal we had four generations all together!

On Tuesday morning we left for the long drive home.... yes, we drove home in a U-haul... with a teething 7 month old... while towing a car! It took us 5 days (we arrived Saturday afternoon) but it was an amazing trip across country! We enjoyed seeing the beautiful country around us and spending time as a family- though Little Miss Firefly wasn't thrilled with the car ride and having to sit constantly... we stopped every 2-4 hours for 1-2 hour break in which Daddy napped and Momma played with Little Miss.

Our Greatest Adventure Yet...

Right before we left, we discovered that we are setting out on our greatest adventure yet.... we announced this to family in various ways...

Stay tuned for more on our adventure!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Let's Talk Teething- 7 tips for surviving teething

The time has come to talk teething... as I write this, Little Miss Firefly is in the midst of cutting her two canines and her front two teeth just came through! So I thought I would share a little bit about what has helped us through this journey of teething!

1. Skin to skin

Most important and helpful has been cuddles, nursing and love! Skin to skin has a lot of benefits for babies, and I have found that during teething, it is something that Little Miss Firefly desires a lot of!  The past two days, Little Miss Firefly has wanted to be cuddling, nursing, or just with me 90% of the time... so even as I write this post...

2. Baby wearing!

My Moby and Wrapsody have been life savers! Yes, with Little Miss wanting to be held and constantly close to me, baby wearing has been invaluable! It makes doing daily chores so much easier!

All mommas must feel this way at some point!

3. Teething rings

Little Miss Firefly has a few of these... they come in all shapes and styles. Her favourite two are her wooden one...

 And her BPA free plastic hand. This one is filled with a gel substance which stays cold when put in the fridge or freezer... It really seems to help her!

4. Hyland's Teething Gel

So I know there is a lot going on with Hyland's and the FDA. I am very disappointed that the FDA was so successful with their smear campaign and now Hyland's is stopping the sale of their teething gel in the USA. However, this gel has been such a blessing! It works so well and is SAFE! I am thankful for a safe alternative for my little one that doesn't have chemicals and harmful substances in it! (Mr. K has already ensured that we stocked up so hopefully we have enough to last till she is done with her teeth!)

5. Change of Scenery

I have found this to not only help Little Miss Firefly, but also help me! Taking a walk in the fresh air or a ride in a wagon is a good way to get her mind off of teething (or eating!)! 

Really? You want to take ANOTHER picture of me?

 6. New Items

This is similar to change of scenery... I have found introducing a new item can help when she is fussy from her teeth hurting... like helping momma sort through a box of winter hats!

7. Patience!

Teething isn't easy! It takes an extra dose of patience to survive teething with a smile! Though at times it seems it will never end, I am reminded that these precious moments will be gone all too soon. So hang in there mommas! You can make it through!

Firefly's first birth

It has been a little while since I last posted... partly because I have been pretty busy with someone who is cutting her top four teeth all at once (Thankfully the two front have broken through!).... and partly because I have been busy with family life... mainly the birth of my newest nephew!

Little Miss Firefly and I were blessed to attend the birth of my newest nephew (and her youngest cousin) on October 1st. It was a gorgeous water birth with baby born in the caul! I am wicked thankful that all went well and to be a part of such a beautiful time. I think Firefly enjoyed it too! She was on my back during the birth! Babywearing is awesome! I love being a midwife!

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Apple Picking Adventure

Fall has officially arrived! I have to admit, every season is a favourite of mine! One of the things I love about Autumn is the cool, crisp air, beautiful leaves and the time of Harvest! A few days ago we had the opportunity to join my family to go apple picking.

We had a splendid time! Little Miss Firefly enjoyed her first tractor ride and was very curious about picking the apples. Here are just a few photos of the fun time we had!

Waiting for the tractor to come and take us to the orchard....

Momma... it isn't moving!

 Riding on the tractor wagon!

Time to pick some apples!

 A bit of apple picking trivia... Did you know that there is a particular way that you need to pick apples in order to avoid breaking off the bud for the next year? Did you know that there are about 42 lbs of apples to a bushel? That is like 168 small apples or 84 large apples!
I've almost got it!

My hand is just to small!
It was a blessed time with family! I look forward to making many apple crisps and other tasty treats in the near future! Comment below what your favourite variety of apple is!

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Quickly Time Passes

A Poem for my Little Miss Firefly

So quickly time passes,
The days rushing on.
The hours, the minutes
So quickly they're gone.

It seems just a moment,
In the wink of an eye,
That tiny newborn baby
Now sits by my side.

A blink and she's crawling,
Another, now she stands
In no time at all
We'll be walking hand in hand.

Time never slows down
The days rush ever on.
I'll pray for you, my child
But one day I'll be gone.

So quickly time passes,
I pray that you'll know
No matter your troubles,
To the Lord you can go.

One day you'll be grown up.
It's coming all to soon.
I will treasure each moment
As I daily watch you.

So quickly time passes,
The days swiftly fly,
I'll cherish your laughter,
I'll hug you so tight.

As you sleep now my daughter,
Know this one thing is true,
Though quickly time passes,
I'll ALWAYS Love you!